Sunday, May 24, 2009
{ 9:56 AM }
once again im here to pour out how i feel. this is super sucky. Im hating life.this happen to me all the tyme?? shall i just ignore relationship..After that bastard, im still unhappy with my life and here im trying to pick up pieces of my life. but when im trying my level best, certain things are just putting me down. God when will my life be happier? I hate crying, i cldn cry anymore. my heart hurts terribly..My fate sucks. I seriously dun like any of this. its hurting me big time. I dunno wether i did the right choice in choosing the guys. But i feel scared already. I wanna go away from here. I so need a long holiday. I disappointed the whole family. Everyone shed tears for me. I still cnt let go the past. Its taunting me everytime..why cnt it juz go off. God pls give me the strength to carry on. Ive been being strong for very long but i cnt withstand it any longer, afterall im also a woman. I need support. How long can i be alone handling all this. Its scary, im juz 20, i wanna enjoy like everyone else. But ive suffered so much in my young age, i just wanna get married fast and settle down. Hoping to forget the past as well. I wanna be occupied with some stuff. In this way i will not forget bad memories in my life. I hope my husband will treat me well and make the happiest woman in this world. Its best this way. I dun wanna keep my hope high in marrying the person i love coz i noe it will nvr happen to me. I know very well. Im ill fated in my love life and i will nvr gt the person i love. Its freaking scary. Devan is not the suitable candidate as he cnt be the boyfriend or husband material. And as for bashir, he claims that he really loves me and wants to be with me, but only GOD knows his real actions and feelings towards me. Hope GOD will be lenient to me and let me be happy for one last time. I forget wad is happiness is all abt.